Thursday, August 30, 2007

The Muppet Show

I am trying to figure out how much the personal taste of a match maker actually goes into deciding who to set one up with - as opposed to the match maker being able to truly decide what a great match is based on another individual's preferences.

My Chicago match maker is a gorgeous, young, totally put together brunette. She looks somewhat akin to Jaclyn Smith in her "Charlie's Angels" heyday. On the other hand, the New York match maker is a sassy, older, cosmetically enhanced woman with a serious Brooklyn twang to her accent. Imagine Fran Drescher, in her 50s, with straight hair and a year-round tan - and there you have her.
So, basically it seems that I have a Charlie's Angel and the Nanny both scouring the United States for my ideal man at the moment.

Incidentally, both are single themselves - which is good and bad. Good, because they are not tied down in a relationship and can be out there day and night searching for eligible bachelors and bad because maybe they are keeping the good ones for themselves? Who knows? In any case, thus far Jaclyn Smith has set me up with one gorgeous, smart, successful jerk and Fran Drescher has set me up with a successful, boring, mutant with an overly botoxed face.

The Nanny has two more men up her sleeve for I went out with last night (and I will get to him in a minute) and the second is a Jewish gynecologist who lives on the Upper West Side. I do like the sound of a doctor, but a gynecologist is definitely an idea that I would have to get used to if we ever got past second base. God knows how looking at va-jay-jays every day can affect a man?

So, my date last night was interesting. Not a failure or a success. All I knew about this guy was that he is an entrepreneur, Jewish (again!), never married, and that he wants to settle down. That pretty much sounds like all of Fran Drescher's clients, but I suppose that is what we are all lining up meet people who want to settle down. I just wish she hadn't say that up front. It just sounds weird - and desperate. Especially the concept of a man who is dying to settle down. I mean, what does a guy like that do in his spare time? Look wistfully at a copy of "Modern Bride" at a news stand and then blush and quickly look away? Does he browse for engagement rings on his own....just because? Does he see children in a playground and hear some sort of biological clock ticking inside of him? Ugh- I certainly hope not!

In any case, the entrepreneur showed up at the restaurant perfectly on time (one point.) He had a reservation (another point) and he offered me the seat with the view (he is on a roll.) I must admit, that I was perfectly under-whelmed by his appearance. He had a slight build, he wasn't really tall, his nose was huge, and his eyes were large and bulging out of his skull. He was also clearly at the back of the line when God was handing out "shoulders" because he certainly didn't seem to have any. In fact, this man looked almost like a human Muppet. He was sweet and cute like a Muppet - but there was certainly nothing sexy or overtly alluring about him physically.

The dilemma was this....he was really nice. He was courteous, well natured, and thoughtful. He was bright and has clearly made himself a small fortune. He has a house in the Hamptons with a pool and tennis court; he just finished renovating his large apartment on the Upper East Side - and best of all, he has done well enough to essentially retire - but he has a few more businesses that he would like to start up - just for least until he has a family. The Muppet was truly a respectable set-up. However, he didn't make me laugh really hard, I didn't feel any physical chemistry with him, and he reminds me of a stuffed animal when I look at him.

The Muppet made me question if I was really shallow because I could honestly care less if he calls me for a second date based mostly on his looks (or lack thereof.) However, looks should count for something? I suppose the answer is how much and when (if ever) can you get past wanting a super hunk and start finding guys like the Muppet attractive.

Oh - I just wish I could like this guy. He seems great...but I am just not feeling it. He said he would call after the Labor Day weekend, so we will see? Maybe he wasn't feeling it either and I am off the hook?


kitty said...

oh boy.
the dating scene in ny is so tough! I do not miss it. Of course, being in a 'relationship' can be insanely hard, too.
I say don't go for the guy if you're not interested in that way.

I'll be tuning in to your blog. Hang in - I think Fall is the perfect time to meet someone btw!

Mickie said...

Well it all depends on which Muppet he reminds you of. Is it Kermy? Miss Piggy saw something insanely sexy in that scrawny, green frog or was it Animal? His name speaks for itself. Maybe it was Beaker if you're into smartypants. I live in NYC too and with all the singles out here it's amazing how difficult it is to match people.

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PS Consider how muppet-like the muppet actually is...but I'd try to give him another shot. I've never wanted a super attractive husband -- too much stress/jealously and young sluts will be constantly hitting on him! Besides, attraction for someone can grow even if there's not initial sparks. I always thought that was BS but it's actually true (as long as some kind of chemistry exists between you two)!

OMYWORD! said...

Ugh. What a dilemma that I remember. There isn't any pat answer, I think. Three cheers for the ugly guys because they have to work harder, and you as a woman usually benefits from that. They are grateful, and so they treat you really well. There's a part of me that wishes that he would grow on you...over time. That you could pal around for a while and see if get any deeper feelings. But the problem with this is that he takes this as a signal that you are interested...and then if after a few months you realize that your first instinct was correct, you'll have to let him know. Then he hates you for leading him on.

So...I guess I would lean towards your first instinct as being correct. If you aren't attracted, you aren't attracted. If you ARE shallow (which I doubt - if you were, you wouldn't wonder if you were), then you will become deeper over time.

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Britt said...

Hey Mickie...actually now I think about it, he probably looks more like a Sesame Street character than a Muppet due to his protruding maybe he would most closely resemble Bert or Ernie? Either - way any man who looks like any Jim Henson creation is not a man I will find myself lusting over in this lifetime!

Monique said...

My ex wasn't a hottie but he won me over by making me laugh like a maniac ... If you're bored with him now, imagine what it will be like in six months or six years ...