Thursday, August 2, 2007

Reality Bites

Hedge Fund guy sounded gorgeous on the phone. His voice had a perfect pitch to it that leaned a bit to the gravelly side - which is totally sexy. We had a great conversation and so I was totally excited about our date set up by the matchmaker in Chicago.

He placed his call to me from the Windy City just before getting on a plane. He had to host a board meeting in his Greenwich, CT office and then he had a meeting in Manhattan. He was able to slip me in for a quick dinner after his last meeting and before getting on another plane to go God knows where the next day. He sounded perfectly in control of his hectic life. He didn't try to seem overly important and considerately booked a restaurant across the street from my apartment. I liked him already. Well, the only irritating thing was that he double-checked that I would convert to Judaism if it came to that ("that" meaning "marriage", I suppose)...and I quickly agreed. If Charlotte on "Sex & the City" could do it to marry Harry, then I am sure I could too? I think.

Hedge Funder was the kind of blind date you dream about initially. He looked exactly like Michael Douglas. Not Michael Douglas of today, mind you - but Michael Douglas of the 80s (Wall Street, Romancing the Stone, you know what I am talking about!) - he was just plain gorgeous. He was perfectly on time and wearing what was clearly a ridiculously expensive suit. We were offered a small table and he asked for a booth - and we got it - despite booths only being for parties of four or six. Way to take control, Hedge Funder.

We ordered a bunch of appetizers and some cocktails. We decided to hold off on ordering the main course until later. And then the Spanish Inquisition begun.....Hedge Funder had 10,000 questions and he shot them off at the speed of a military assault rifle. He prefaced the Inquisition by saying that he was not wishing to waste anyone's time and that he has a good idea of what he wants and what he is looking for. I guess you could call me warned?

He asked if my parents were divorced (yes); Do I have a close relationship with my Dad (no); What was my longest relationship (3 years); have I ever lived with anyone (yes); Am I an only child (yes, but only because my brother died when we were both in our late teens); Do I have more male or female friends (about equal); How many children do I want to have (1-3); could I raise children in Manhattan (maybe); City I would like to visit next (Prague); and on and on and on....until finally he asked if I had any questions for him. I just looked at him and laughed.

What was he thinking? This was a date not an interview....or was it? It was supposed to be an easy exchange of information - not a Q&A session. I didn't prepare a list of questions before meeting him - I was too busy fussing over what to wear than thinking about specific topics of conversation before I had even met him. I stammered and asked if his parents were still married - even though I really didn't care - and they were (of course!) for the past 47 years and they were still madly in love. Hmmmm, O.K., good for you, Wally Cleaver.

He then did the absolute unthinkable. Our second round of drinks had just arrived at the table. We were not even half way through our appetizers - and he threw $80 on the table and stood up. I remained seated looking up at him on the other side of the table with my mouth slightly agape and he said "This is not going to work. I have a car waiting for me outside and I need to go." He wasn't kidding and he picked up his jacket and started putting it on while I remained seated staring at him incredulously.

I asked if he was seriously just leaving - and I regret asking that question. He turned and said to me "Listen, having divorced parents - you didn't have a good view of what a healthy relationship looks like from a very young age. Clearly, you have been abandoned by the most important men in your life from your father leaving the family after the divorce and by your brother dying. Even though you "seem" normal, I am quite sure that you have serious issues with men as a result of your background. I am sure a lot of men will be interested because you are pretty and smart - but I doubt anyone will stick around. A girl like you just doesn't have the skills to be successful in a long term relationship. Sorry!" and with that - he walked out.

I felt sucker punched. He just left me in a crowded restaurant, with three plates of hardly touched appetizers, two full drinks, and a small stack of $20s on the table. I felt like there was a huge neon arrow hanging over my head pointing down at me with the word "LOSER" written right above the arrow, blinking off and on. The waiter scurried over quickly to the table to ask if everything was O.K. I suppose everyone within earshot had heard what he said. I took a few more sips of my drink and had a french fry while I tried to gather up my dignity and regain feeling in my legs so I could get out of there and far, far away from the apologetic looks of strangers after my rather public rejection.

I walked back home burning with shame and wondered if anything he said had any truth to it. Obviously, it is beyond my control that my parents marriage didn't work out. I always wanted a good relationship with my father, but he married a much younger woman and had a new family that I am just not a part of. My brother died of cancer and that was neither his fault, nor mine. I suppose the hedge funder wasn't saying these things were actually my fault - but more just the fact that they had happened and thus I am damaged goods, due to history that I had nothing to do with. I am a product that no one will want and I am incapable of achieving the picket fence dream, well...according to him, that is.

The worst part of it is that I finally met a guy who is gorgeous, brilliant, successful, well-traveled, athletic, with great personal style....who really wants to settle down and have kids and he literally looked at me, right in the face, and said that I wasn't even worth sitting with for a main course, let alone dessert, or (gasp) an entire lifetime together.

This is the first time I have ever been abandoned in the middle of a date and I seriously hope that was the last time. Ouch.


Jayne said...

Honey, the only loser there was him, and although you probably feel like crap about the experience, *I* for one am glad he left as quickly as he did, because if he'd stayed, you might have talked yourself into liking him.

Obviously a control freak, and an absolute creep.

I've never heard anything so rude in my life!

griffin said...

i'm shocked by it too. i deal with a ton of hedge fund guys, due to my job as a trader, and they are not all like that. sounded unbelievably cold and shocking. thank god he did walk out for your sake but i'm shocked that he thought he could say that. what a total loser.

Britt said...

Thanks guys! Hedge Fund Guy was a definite zero and his exit was definitely for the best!

fishwithoutbicycle said...

My God what a f**kwit!!! Sorry you had to go through that!! Yikes!!

paisley said...

girl.. he did you a favor... can you imagine being stuck with that mess for life... as long as he dropped enough twenty's to pay for the bill ... and the tip!!!!!! you got off easy.... next!!!!!!

Annie said...

You SO need to write a book.

Lola said...

This is a shame...and I neither blog nor read much of them but yours was well written and I really just fell upon it on a slow day at work. And I could not resist commenting.
This is apalling...absolutely apalling. And sounds a lot like what my ex-husband always said about me. And trust me that is 8 years of misery no one wants or needs. This guy will never find anyone to spend a lifetime with except some woman half his age who is devoid of any personality...or a blow up doll!
Sorry you had to hear that though.

Anonymous said...

From an analytical male perspective:

I’m a bit confused with your story. This guy asked a lot of ‘dry’ questions, meaning questions he could have asked over the phone (or email) and learned about you *before* meeting you. Why bother meeting someone if her background isn’t consistent with the pattern he’s looking for?

Clearly the guy was wrong! But if he’s the ‘analytical type’ first thing he should have done is ‘reconnaissance’. Shame on him twice!

Lisa said...

WTF. That guy may just be the biggest loser I've ever heard of. Seriously.

Sreejit Swamy said...

WTF! he is an absolute loser to have left you like that in the middle of a date, whatever be his reason to do so. Thats rude and you dont have to feel bad about yourself coz of someone like that. Anyways tc.
BTw urs is a great blog. I have it bookmarked on my system. but why no post after sep 07??

ooompaloompa said...

seems clear here that everyone pretty much agrees that this individual is missing some basic human functionality. no need to add my curses to this crowd.

I would so like to add though that his response to you pretty much exposed his entire set of insecurities and fears he has of abandonment--but it is a damn clever way of doing it in a way that completely threw you off guard so a proper response/comeback was an impossibility.
It also illustrated his inabilities to fulfill his own distorted view of an ideal marriage and this sort of guy should be reported as "undateable" somewhere more publically accessible.
a poster campaign would in theory be nice--but its only going to waste more of your time on a loser who will die alone and miserable.