Not So Crazy in Love

I am raising a white flag. I surrender. I give up. I don't understand men at all.

Count Bambi and his cousin, Count Directeur Créatif, landed at JFK airport on time. I know because I checked about five times. I gave them a generous two hours (in my mind) to make it to the city with their luggage and figured I my phone would be a-ringing by 2:00 p.m. at the very latest. At 4:00 p.m., my blow out was flattening against my head, my mascara from the morning was starting to flake, and even Edith Piaf's perky bow was looking a little deflated. It was only a matter of time before one of my perfectly folded, Gap store-esque, towers of sweaters toppled over in my closet. Perfection really only can last so long! So I called him and pretended to be calm and cheerful. He and Count Directeur Créatif were lunching somewhere downtown as their rooms were not ready at the SoHo Grand. He said he would call me back in an hour.

Two hours later, it is now 6 p.m. and I call him again. He had checked into his room and gone to visit Central Park with his cousin and some of the L'Oreal people who were here for the shoot. Apparently, he hadn't called because they were still figuring out dinner plans. His cousin might be eating with Beyoncé and the people from L'Oreal and he was waiting to see if either himself or he and I could get included. Dinner with Beyoncé ? That was not what I was imagining. I had spent the last two days and gobs of money trying to look amazing and now on my first night with Bambi....I was about to get upstaged by a freaking international sex symbol!? Was this happening? Life can be incredibly unfair sometimes. Why don't we also invite Angelina Jolie, Cameron Diaz, and Jessica Biel to come as well? How did I not see this one coming?

In any case, by the time I was dressed and ready for dinner by 8:30 - he called to say that he would be going to dinner with Beyoncé and Company and that they couldn't get an extra person included. I guess the only thing worse than having to sit next to Beyoncé in front of a guy you are trying to impress is having the guy you are trying to impress go to dinner with Beyoncé without you. Damn!

Right-O. Kill me now...how on earth could I ever compete with Beyoncé? Please, tell me that Jay-Z is still in the picture or else I can't imagine why Bambi wouldn't fall dangerously in love with her! Argh! Nightmare!