Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Disappointment 101

"Shock and Awe" has been described as a military campaign, most notably in relation to the Iraq War. However, more recently - that term can also be applied to the way one feels when a guy dumps you right before Christmas; says he will call you after the New Year; and he follows up on his promise. I was definitely shocked and awed, to say the least. The Hedge Funder wanted to get together. He wanted to see me. He felt we had unfinished business. Oh my God. Was he going to apologize? Had he regretted everything? Was letting go of me the worst mistake of his life? O.K. - I know maybe I am getting just a tad carried away here, but I thought those were all distinct possibilities. I mean, as of mid-December, this guy was telling me that he has never felt more sure of anyone in his life. He could have been legitimately scared of his own feelings. It happens. Right?

In any case, I left nothing undone to myself that could possibly be done. I was determined to not let him get away a second time. We had a connection and I had felt completely miserable after he broke it off. So, full diva glam he was going to get!

We had planned to meet for drinks at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel at 8 p.m. , but I was ready by 6:00. Call me crazy, but make up artists and hair people don't work much later than that...so, if one is doing "the full kabuki", then one must generally get it done earlier in the day and try to stay pristine until "show time." However, the Hedge Funder called to half-cancel. By half cancel, I mean...he apparently had to work late and wanted to meet instead around 10 or 10:30 p.m. He couldn't re-schedule because he was leaving the next day for a week and he needed to see me. Damn. Not how this was going to go in my mind. What happened to version 2.1 of the Hedge Funder? The one who flew home a day early just to spend more time with me?

Incidentally, my married friend, Will....a super debonair, rock star of the financial world called to say that he had theater tickets and his wife couldn't go. She had suggested he take me. It would start at 8 and finish around 9:30 or 10 p.m. - so, in fact...it was all quite perfect. I think I would just let the Hedge Funder know that I would call HIM instead, when I was finished with my "other plans." Ha, ha...Will had totally saved me from turning into a miserable little shrew at home - obsessing over the time, then my phone, then the time again. I actually have the upper hand back. Yay me.

So - Will sends his car down to pick me up and I meet him at the theater and something really odd happened. He looked at me with a crushingly gentle and adoring look on his face. I mean, Will had never seen me totally made up or anything - but it was definitely a confidence booster that this happily married man could forget, even for even a second, that he was indeed a happily married man. Interesting. Throughout the play, Will stole sideways glances at me and afterward offered to have his driver take me up to the Mandarin Oriental to meet the Hedge Funder. I gladly accepted the ride - and texted the Hedge Funder to let him know I was en route and to check if he was there yet.

Ten minutes later, I am sitting in Will's car and with nothing back from he Hedge Funder. Finally - when it was all becoming slightly more than I could handle...I hear the sharp double beep of a text. He wrote that would be there in a half hour. I guess he wanted me waiting for him by design - regardless of the fact that I had managed to fill the space gap once already this evening due to his suddenly overwhelming work load. My spirits sagging - Will offered to go upstairs and have a drink with me until Mr. Not So Fabulous turned up. Thank God he did because it was almost 11 before I saw the Hedge Funder's stout legs marching into the bar with a flustered look on his face. Will gave me a look as if he didn't believe that the guy I was pining for could be such a small, chubby Cabbage Patch of a man - but it was true.

My night with the Hedge Funder was over almost as soon as it began. He admitted that I looked stunningly gorgeous and seemed to actually mean it. He then followed that up by saying that he didn't feel that I was able to take disappointment well. Due to the nature of his business and hectic life, he would be disappointing me often and if I couldn't handle a "slight change of plan" (otherwise known as cancelling a trip over Christmas with me to meet my Dad), then we were a bad fit. I uttered that I truly didn't need him to teach me about disappointment - that certainly daily life can offer up enough of that and that normally I....and he stopped me right there. He was now seeing someone else. He left Arizona early to come back to New York City and he had met a cocktail waitress in a nightclub. A cocktail waitress in a nightclub that doesn't even open until Midnight.
I almost wanted to ask him for $150 as reimbursement for what I had spent getting my hair and makeup done to meet him - only to be met with the news that he had already moved on...a mere three weeks later, but I couldn't. I was certainly not about to let it show that I couldn't take disappointment well after being called out on it. Because you know what? I can't. At least during the second big let down from him, I was smart enough to hold my "waterworks festival" until I was in the back seat of a cab by myself. Live and learn. I certainly hope for the waitress' sake, that she is an android. God forbid the girl has a display of disappointment over something disappointing....and starts to appear, um, human - as "human" apparently doesn't hold the same appeal as it used to, back in the day.

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