Prince Charming

Just like the man of your dreams would actually do in your dreams - the Hedge Funder came home a day early, because he couldn't wait to see me. He booked a charming restaurant I love called August on Bleecker Street and made sure that I knew that he still had me the next night as well at Smith's. I asked him if he wasn't being slightly cocky assuming that we would hit it off as much in person as we had on the phone, but he insisted that he has never been more sure of anything in his life as our two back-to-back dates. I suppose a guy who has gone from nothing to looking at $20,000,000 apartments before the age of 35 probably has pretty good instincts, so why doubt them?

The Hedge Funder called me on his way into Manhattan from his chauffeured Escalade and sounded funny. He actually sounded so weird that I was sure he was cancelling on me and I had only told my Mom, my co-workers, my high school friends, the Junior League girls, my neighbors, and just about any one else that would listen that I had found my Prince Charming. Cancelling on me just had to be out of the question. Luckily - that wasn't what was wrong with him. He wanted to know if I remembered what he looked like? Of course I did. No, actually I didn't. Ummmm, truthfully - all I could remember what that he had on a great outfit. I had a clear vision of him in my head from the neck down. If he was stunning - I would have remembered....or deformed, I definitely would have remembered. In fact, I am pretty sure he looks normal. I'd say, brown hair, brown eyes...6-foot tall - if I had to guess? Silence. I guess I guessed wrong. I really didn't care though. We had the best connection that I have ever had with anyone - and he can look however he wants to look and I will be fine with it. I am beyond being superficial. Also, I am pretty sure he has no idea what I look like exactly either. Can he?

In any case, I was a little underwhelmed when he showed up at my door. He was probably about 5'7", thinning brown hair, bulging blue eyes, a massive nose, and a perfectly round face - like a Cabbage Patch Doll. When he opened his mouth, it got worse because he had dark, stained, pointy teeth and an underbite. I must have been extremely distracted the day I first met him...because missing the fact that he had been beaten with the ugly stick this badly was really quite shocking on my part. Had I gone blind? Or was I just growing up?

On the plus side, he had on yet another spectacular outfit (which I later found out was styled for him by his "people at Bergdorf") and he was a total gentleman. We did hit it off in person and when his tiny, little baby hand reached across the table to hold my significantly larger one - I actually felt sparks. No - not sparks of shame to be out with this dapper little dwarf, but real sparks of physical chemistry. I think I will be able to kiss him, after all. And I was...

After the Hedge Funder's black card was swiped - we had barely left the restaurant and we kissed and kissed and kissed. He took me home and didn't even try to come upstairs. We had an amazing night and I couldn't be happier that I only had to wait less than 24-hours for the next date. I have definitely just kissed a toad and I am fully expecting Prince Charming. How on earth did I get so lucky with this one?